Slowing Down

Andrew Dewer [00:00:00]:

Today's episode is called slowing down. It's all about how to create space for yourself to slow down in today's busy and hectic world. And it's our intention that after this episode, you have some tips and tools to take time for yourself and to give yourself permission to slow down. Welcome to the five year you podcast, a show dedicated to helping you become the best version of yourself one day at a time. I'm Andrew.

Catherine Collins [00:00:27]:

And I'm Cat. And we promise to keep it raw, real, and relatable.

Andrew Dewer [00:00:32]:

Are you ready to grow? How are you doing today, Cat?

Catherine Collins [00:00:36]:

Pretty good. It hasn't been that slow of a day, but I'm happy to be here.

Andrew Dewer [00:00:43]:

So we find ourselves in the middle of the day, and I know you've already gone to a movie. We just redid some recording, some other work. You are not slowing down. And I'm coming into this with the. I've just taken the day of leisure today somewhat of. So let's talk about breakneck paces and slowing down and the struggle that kind of happens for that cause. You and I are very type A personalities. We kind of like to go, go, and that's just not feasible for longer periods of time.

Andrew Dewer [00:01:12]:

What are your favorite ways to slow down?

Catherine Collins [00:01:15]:

Hard question. I don't do it too often, although that's exactly why we're doing this episode, because I'm learning that I absolutely need to. I love to take a bath at the end of the day, and I love to read books. I really, really do. Those are kind of the ways that I try to allow myself to be slow, try to get chill. How about you?

Andrew Dewer [00:01:38]:

Like, I have an evening routine and a morning routine, but I'm trying to put some slowness into them. So, because it's beautiful out right now, I've been having my first coffee outside, and. And I don't bring my phone and I just go outside. I just get a little bit of sun on me, which has done wonders for my mindset and just my overall kind of chill vibe that I've never experienced before in my life. So that's kind of nice. But I noticed that the sun is definitely helping just my overall well being. That's one is just not rushing into the day, which is how, I mean, I usually get up and I start going, and the time I end is when I'm crashing into bed at night. It was pointed out to me that I needed to slow down.

Andrew Dewer [00:02:23]:

It's not really my personality type to do that, but I see the benefits of it. I just need to have some structure to it. So taking that morning coffee, where I just sit and let whatever floats in, is how I slow down. Meditation is another one, of course. And then in the evening, I'm starting to just give myself ten minutes before I fall asleep to write anything I need to write, listen to something calming. I'm just really trying to have those start of day and end of day things. And I'm also hopefully incorporating some stuff throughout my day because I will happily work 16 hours in a day and not blink. And I'm realizing as I get older that it's just not what I want to do anymore.

Andrew Dewer [00:03:10]:

Great. When I was younger, but not right.

Catherine Collins [00:03:11]:

Now, I had something similar. I was very much into hustle culture, especially early on in my career when I was working very hard to become self employed. So I would go to my full time job, and then I'd come home after work, and then I would work on my business and hustle culture to the max. I very much bought into the idea that, you know, the people who work the hardest get the most rewards. Even when my twins were infants, I, like, pushed hard to, like, write articles during their nap times, take calls during their nap times, and it all was okay until it wasn't. And I think now that I'm older, getting into my later thirties, I just can't work like that anymore. You know, we've talked about mental health struggles on this podcast many times before, but I've learned that my daily mental health is directly correlated to the quality of my sleep the night before. And I can't stay up till one in the morning writing articles like I used to, just to try to get one more in or to make another hundred dollars that day, I just can't do it.

Catherine Collins [00:04:28]:

If I want everybody to have a good day the next day, not just me. I am trying to allow myself to rest. The hard thing is that we're both entrepreneurs and, like, the biggest plus is that we have flexible skills schedules. The biggest drawback is that we have flexible schedules. We don't know what it's like to get home and not have any responsibilities for work and shut it all down. We work at all times. It's just broken up, I guess.

Andrew Dewer [00:05:00]:

Yeah. It's a hard thing because there's always something to be done right, even as we're doing this. I mean, I. It just never ends. There's emails to be returned, there's products to create, there's people to work with, interviews to do. We're always going. And I kind of like that in one sense, but I do see the value more and more of needing to stop throughout the day and put gas back in the tank, so to speak, whether that's, you know, some good food or just even, like, a ten minute coffee break or sometimes, you know, a whole afternoon off to go to a movie or whatever. It's just being able to give yourself permission to do that.

Andrew Dewer [00:05:38]:

You and I both know ourselves really well, and we know that given the choice, we'd rather push through. How do you adjust for the guilt that you feel for when you stop to slow down?

Catherine Collins [00:05:48]:

I mean, I think that it is still a challenge. I don't know if I'll ever be able to guilt free stop because I have goals that I want to reach. And the way that part of my job works is I do a lot of freelance writing, and there's some clients that have, like, unlimited articles. I mean, I could write a ton if I wanted to. And so it's really hard to, like, tell myself, you're okay. A lot of it is going back to, like, self trust. A lot of the hard work and the hustling in the beginning, I learned, was linked to scarcity. I was so worried that if I wasn't the hardest working that I would lose the client, that if I didn't say yes to every job, that another one wouldn't come.

Catherine Collins [00:06:30]:

And now, after over a decade of being self employed, I operate a little bit more from abundance. And I know the things to tell myself, like, you will feel like a better mother tomorrow if you go to sleep right now. It will be better for the twins tomorrow if you go to sleep right now. You're fine. Remember that this client just complimented you on this article, whatever it was. You don't need to do anything else today. You are taken care of. You're good, you're safe.

Catherine Collins [00:07:03]:

All of those things. It's a lot of self talk because you have to counter. I have to counteract the negative self talk and the scarcity self talk that bubbles up. It's like you're a single mom. What are you doing? You can't stop working. You need to push hard and hustle. You need to make sure everything's okay or else. So I have to sort of calm that anxiety and fill it with the confidence that I have in myself and my work.

Andrew Dewer [00:07:26]:

Okay, I'm thinking of the listener right now going, yeah, that's me. But still not maybe breaking the pattern of listening to themselves. You know, they listen to themselves when they're hard on themselves, but they don't listen to themselves when it is time to stop or time to slow down or just that permission. The, you know, at some point your body's going to shut down. You're going to have to sleep.

Catherine Collins [00:07:50]:

That's right. I would say that to yourself, then. Many of us have heard that quote before. If you don't take a break right now, your body will take a break for you, and it's not going to be at a time that's convenient for you.

Andrew Dewer [00:08:04]:

Yeah. And it's not going to feel the nice way. Usually when your body forces you to stop, it gets sick in one way or another. It's been my experience. And you can see it with people, too. You're like, how you doing? And they're like, oh, I've been working really hard for the last how many ever days, weeks, months. And they look terrible. It's because they aren't taking that time to rejuvenate themselves.

Andrew Dewer [00:08:25]:

And I know it's easier said than done. Like, we're not coming at this as experts. I'm literally coming at this going, how do I make myself stop in the middle of a date to watch a tv show or to read my book or whatever when there's so much to be done? And the reality is, and I'm still getting my head around this, is that it's never done, ever. The list never stops.

Catherine Collins [00:08:48]:

I was just laughing, thinking about it. Like something as simple as the laundry. Like, let's say you do, like, five loads of laundry on a Sunday and you're all caught up. It's like, maybe you'll feel good for a second, but, like, you're gonna go and then you're gonna find a sock that, like, didn't make it into the wash. And then, like, guess what? Everyone's gonna change into their pajamas and then they're gonna put clothes in the bottle. Like, I think one of the things that maybe the hardest is to acknowledge that it's never done. And so you're just pressing pause. You're not really pressing stop.

Catherine Collins [00:09:23]:

And maybe that is a useful mental tool that just because you pause because you're tired, because you're sick, it doesn't mean that you're not a hard worker. It doesn't mean that you're not a dedicated mother. You know, there's a lot of mom guilt. Like, oh, like, I put him in front of the Lion King today and I feel so bad, and I don't want him to have screen time. And it's like, it's okay for you to pause. It doesn't make you a bad mother, it doesn't make you a bad anything. Again, we have to operate from taking care of ourselves. There are many parents who are completely overwhelmed.

Catherine Collins [00:09:59]:

I saw a mom today in a Facebook group, like, just asking for house manager, someone to come 3 hours a week just to help her fold her laundry. Like, we're all just so, so overwhelmed. And kudos to her for reaching out and asking for help, but it's like it never ends. And so think of yourself as. I'm pressing pause until I press play again. That's it.

Andrew Dewer [00:10:21]:

I like that a lot. You know, there's, like, three topics that come up in that that we could go into, but we'll stick with the idea of slowing down. So you used to write, like, a ton, and, like, you would go in the morning, you'd. You basically write from sun up to sundown and beyond. How did it feel at first to come at it and go, okay, I'm not finishing this article tonight the way I thought I was going to when I started it this morning or this afternoon or whenever you started it. How do you mentally cope with that? I know it's kind of a vague thing, but what I'm trying to do is give our listener the ability to know that, a, this is very, very normal, and b, there are tips.

Catherine Collins [00:11:04]:

I think that in the beginning, I would not mentally cope with it. I would beat myself up. I'd go to bed feeling miserable. I would, like, set my alarm and wake up early to make sure that it was finished before the editor woke up and started her job at. Or his or her job at 09:00 a.m. i would just, like, beat myself up and torture myself like, you're the worst. You suck at this. Need to manage your time better.

Catherine Collins [00:11:28]:

You know, I bet you scrolled yesterday when you could have been writing that article, and I I'd be terrible to myself. And now if things happen every day, I mean, who knows? I mean, we had a broken tooth last week. I mean, we just never ending when you're parenting. But sometimes, you know, it's a normal day, and I just am not able to finish what I need to get finished for whatever reason. But now I am so into self care and so into protecting my mental health that I just say, you first, Catherine. You know, it's, you first. Go to bed now. I still can set my alarm.

Catherine Collins [00:12:05]:

I still have the idea of, like, well, I can get it done in the morning. Cause that's a decent time for me to work before the kids wake up. But I'm just so much more like my brain first, my mental health first. I could stay up till one and push through, but I tell myself, your quality will be better in the morning. Finish it up then and you'll feel better.

Andrew Dewer [00:12:25]:

I think a lot of us have that. And one of the things that's helped me is discovering my chronotype and just paying attention to when I work best throughout the day because there's three different types. I could be wrong on that, though. But essentially knowing that some people work really good in the morning and they have the midday slump and then they have a really good productive period between like three and 05:00, other people are later in the evening push through type of people and that's just their most productive time. But I think the point I'm trying to get across is that you have certain times of day where you are going to be very, very productive. Even though both of us, and I'm sure millions of other people push through those hard times where you're in the slump and you're like, no, I can still keep going. What we're saying is if you're able to take that pause for 510 minutes, an hour, whatever, you can, and I give yourself permission to slow that down, you will find my experience has been you're way more productive when you've walked away and you get refreshed and then come back. Your dynamic with it is completely different.

Andrew Dewer [00:13:32]:

Plus, if you're solving problems or you're trying to come up with a concept or you're writing something, it's almost like the well gets primed again and you're like, oh, I have all these things. It's kind of like the energy, the creativity just diminishes and you just got to let it refill. And once it refills, you kind of wonder, why haven't I always done this? But there are more and more benefits to it the more I do it.

Catherine Collins [00:13:56]:

Yeah, I mean, it sounds funny to say, but you almost have to build a case for rest in your head because your brain is, especially if you live in North America, we are just so conditioned to work and work and work and work ourselves to death, and so you almost have to, like, build a case for the rest related to work. For example, one of the many things Andrew and I have in common is that we both get our ideas in the car. So when we're driving, we both get ideas, business ideas, book title ideas, podcast title ideas. We get a ton of ideas when we're driving. And why is that? It's because we're sort of driving on autopilot and our mind is not wrapped up in work. It's not getting a bunch of emails for a second. We're able to, like, tap into that creativity. And so that's exactly what Andrew is saying is like when you rest, it allows kind of like all of your vital signs to come back up.

Catherine Collins [00:14:53]:

It allows your creativity bucket to refill. And so I tell myself that often, just like I was saying about going to bed at night, even if something isn't done, it's like, I'm going to be so much better tomorrow. This is going to be so much better fresh. So you can say, I'm going to go take a walk around the block, or you can build into your schedule, like, I'm just going to watch this show at lunchtime, or I'm going to watch this show when I get home from work and unwind or whatever it is, but it just sort of telling yourself that the rest is critical to getting where you want to get in other aspects of your life.

Andrew Dewer [00:15:30]:

I've done a lot of looking into improving my sleep because that is where all the wonder and energy comes from and all the good things happen when you sleep. And I had to gamify my own sleeping in the beginning just so I would slow down. It's almost like I'm dealing with go, go, go Andrew and this other Andrew, the self care Andrew that's really, really young and kind of going like, God, how do I reach this adult that won't stop running? So I gamified it and I've got a sleep mat that tracks my sleep. But I really did put a lot of effort into learning about what will help me sleep better. So now I don't eat after 07:00 at night or 3 hours before bed. I don't drink coffee in the afternoons. I drink more water. I'm trying my best to make sure that my sleep is so good that I wake up so refreshed and recharged that I had to play the game with myself is really where I'm going.

Andrew Dewer [00:16:27]:

We all know sleep is important, but the more I learn about it, the more I'm kind of feeling like I did myself a disservice all those years by going to bed at midnight, working till midnight, getting up at 05:00 a.m. to keep going. And I do love those moments, you know, when you get into a good project and you're like, oh, I just want to keep going with this. But I see the benefit of sleep, but to get myself to do that, I had to gamify it for myself. I had to give myself a target. And you might need to do that when it comes to slowing down. You might have to give yourself like, okay, well, I wonder if I. How I'll be if I actually get 8 hours of sleep every night for a week.

Andrew Dewer [00:17:04]:

And I wonder what, you know, there's the three levels of sleep, deep sleep, like the restorative ones. So that's another thing that I still started really looking at. I'm like, okay. And I would find that on the nights that I got more deep sleep, I was way happier the next day. I was way more productive. And that kind of perpetuated me wanting to get better rest and take breaks. So what I had to do, what self care Andrew had to do to go, go, go, andrew, which are these terrible names I'm coming up with on the spot. But what he had to do was find a way to break the habit of going, going and going, and to show that one that go, go, go personality, that look, you actually do better with these breaks.

Andrew Dewer [00:17:46]:

And I'm not perfect with it. I'm not even half perfect with, I'm not even a fraction perfect with it. But what I am doing is giving myself permission to get better at this a little bit at a time, knowing that I am overcoming not just my own mental rules of, you have to always keep going. But then I'm also overcoming a societal value that we all apparently have to be busy. I don't know where that rule came from, but it's a really dumb one that if you are free and you're not doing anything, then you're wasting your time and it's not the case. But that rule is very firmly ingrained in my brain, and I'm still working at it. You know, we did, just did an episode on the rules are fake. That's another fake rule.

Catherine Collins [00:18:29]:

Yeah, it is. I think what I want to encourage our listeners to do, especially as we wrap up this episode, is we have found a lot of benefit into finding little moments of daily rest, little moments to slow down, obviously, your nighttime sleep and optimizing that can really help a lot. But it's not mentally healthy to work yourself to the bone and then, like, think that a week vacation is going to fix it. You know, like, oh, I just need this vacation so badly. You know, you can give yourself like 30 minutes vacations every day, whether it's with your coffee or a podcast or a meditation or whatever. You can fit it into a really busy day. Even if you have little kids, even if you have a demanding job, there's a little something in there that you can do. And it's been really revolutionary for my mental health and just how I feel during the day to get those little moments of rest.

Catherine Collins [00:19:39]:

And I definitely would encourage our listeners to seek them out and try to make. To make some of the little ones and not wait for the big one. The big vacation?

Andrew Dewer [00:19:49]:

Yeah. The forest vacation or the one week at the beach vacation. For the record, when I would go on my holidays, it took me about eight days of a seven week. Of a seven day vacation. Seven week vacation sounds awesome, but it would take me eight of my seven days to finally relax. And next thing I knew, I found myself back at work working. I'm like, but I just finally got relaxed. So it's a muscle.

Andrew Dewer [00:20:15]:

It's a muscle that you learn to flex. You know, it's. It's a new pathway. And give yourself permission to develop this one because you'll be better. I've even experimented with, like, with naps on the weekend and stuff like that. I feel so much better. Like, just closing your eyes for 15 minutes. If you can't meditate, take a 15 minutes nap, 20 minutes nap or hour or whatever.

Andrew Dewer [00:20:34]:

It's. You kind of wake up. It's like hitting reset on the day. I can't explain it, but it is a really, really good feeling. Not that I need to pitch anybody on the idea of naps.

Catherine Collins [00:20:44]:

Everyone likes naps, but I am well known for saying, okay, I'm going to go listen to my book for 30 minutes. And what that means is I'm going to go lie in my bed of put my book on a 30 minutes timer. And I set an alarm, too, sometimes for like 45 minutes just in case I fall asleep. But sometimes I don't fall asleep. I'm literally just in the dark room with my little introverted, self, recharging all the batteries that I need to charge. And, like, it works super well for me.

Andrew Dewer [00:21:15]:

Yeah, I've seen you change from morning to afternoon as you've done that. And it. It is really great. And I had a hard time with it. I got an Apollo, which is a vagus nerve stimulator. And it actually has a power nap setting on it where it, like, what it does, you wear it on your wrist or your ankle or your hip or whatever, like with a little clip or strap, and it will vibrate these patterns that kind of help you fall asleep. And then it does the pattern to wake you up and you can set it for 15, 30, 60 minutes for the nap one. And it's amazing how, like, you come out of your sleep naturally and you just feel amazing.

Catherine Collins [00:21:51]:

Yeah.

Andrew Dewer [00:21:52]:

So big proponent of naps, if you can take them. I know everybody's job doesn't allow for that, but even, you know, you're running the kids around on the weekend and you're overloaded and you know, you need to slow down, but you just can't go close your eyes. Even closing your eyes will put you in an alpha state of mind. It'll get you out of that high beta frequency, which is where we all are and we're always stressed with. So even the act of closing your eyes and pausing, lying down, meditating, whatever, for a few minutes, can have wonderful effects on you.

Catherine Collins [00:22:23]:

I love that.

Andrew Dewer [00:22:24]:

Yeah. So let's just sum it up. Slowing down should be easy, and it's not. But it gets easier the more you do it. The important thing is to, again, know yourself, try to hack yourself in the way that makes sense. If you have to have self care, a little self care. You talk to go, go, go. You.

Andrew Dewer [00:22:44]:

That's okay. Still not coming up with a better example than that one. So, sorry, listener, but I think you're worth slowing down, and I think I'm worth slowing down, because more time doesn't necessarily mean more productive time. And if you really are go, go, going because you're trying to be productive and get stuff done, you'll do better when you take those pauses throughout your day to put gas back in the tank, because you'll go further, farther faster when you do get back to work. And that's my pitch for slowing down. How about you, captain?

Catherine Collins [00:23:15]:

No, I think you summed it up perfectly, and I would not even try to repeat, farther, further faster. Is that what you said? It was a good one, so just leave it. It was good. And no, I think that's the perfect place to end. So, at the end of each episode, though, we also share our glimmers, which are just things that make us happy. Books, apps, experiences, songs, whatever it is we just shared to cap off the episode with something that has a little bit of joy. So what is your glimmer for this week, Andrew?

Andrew Dewer [00:23:48]:

So my glimmer this week is, you know, I've wanted a digital photo frame where I can just put my photos and they kind of cycle through. I want to do it with, like, motivation stuff, but they're always been like, they're just too expensive. Well, I was walking around marshalls, and for whatever reason, there was a brand new unopened one on clearance and so it was like, yeah, it was over a hundred. It was like $120 off the regular price because these things aren't cheap. Yeah, so I got that and I'm really, really excited to start playing with it. How about you, Cat? What's your glimmer?

Catherine Collins [00:24:20]:

I love that, by the way. And you know, I love a good deal story. So thanks for sharing. I was going to share that you and I went to go see inside out, too. That was very glimmery for me because, well, when you have a podcast where you talk about your feelings all the time, how could we not go to inside out too? And we both loved it. It was really fun. Andrew had a coupon for a free popcorn and. Which was a highlight, I gotta say.

Catherine Collins [00:24:49]:

Speaking of teals. So, yeah, we had a really nice, we had a nice time. And I actually took my twins to go see it today. So now I've seen it twice and definitely worth it. And highly recommend if you haven't seen it yet.

Andrew Dewer [00:25:03]:

It is a great movie. I think it's a great way of explaining emotions to people that may be new to them as I was not so long ago. And I think it really does help us to understand anxiety, especially because that's a big part of that movie and something the world's trying to deal with right now, which is, again, why slowing down is even more important.

Catherine Collins [00:25:23]:

That's right. All right, well, thanks for listening, everyone. We hope this was helpful. And we're rooting for you.

Andrew Dewer [00:25:29]:

We're rooting for you. Take care. Hey, one last thing. Don't forget to go to fiveyouryou.com future to start getting those emails from your future self. It will change your life.

Catherine Collins [00:25:42]:

Quick disclaimer, we're podcasters on the Internet. If you need to seek professional help, please go see your healthcare professional.